What Actually Fills Your Cup?
Quick question: What brings you joy?
If you struggled to answer that, you're not alone. When we're overstressed, it's easy to identify what's draining us. But what lifts us up? That's harder to see when all our attention is consumed by stress.
Sometimes we genuinely don't know what we enjoy. We're so focused on everyone else that we can't answer a simple question: What do I like?
Add to that the constant societal messages screaming at us about what should make us happy: bigger house, fancier car, trendier clothes, smaller body. These messages are so loud they drown out your inner voice.
If you're having trouble hearing that voice, you're not alone.
It's Different for Everyone
Self-care requires knowing yourself. What's relaxing for one person completely stresses out another.
Case in point: I hate manicures and pedicures. They don't relax me at all. I worry about chipping the polish (usually by day's end). The chemical smell bothers me. I have ticklish feet and once accidentally kicked the woman working on my feet in the face. I apologized profusely and luckily she laughed it off. But for everyone's safety, I've avoided pedicures since.
For me, manicures and pedicures are stress triggers. They drain my cup. But some women find immense pleasure in them. If that's you, great! It's just not mine.
The point? Your list will look different from mine. And that's exactly how it should be.
Make Your List
Grab something to drink, a pen, and paper. Find a quiet spot and write down what you actually enjoy.
Here are a few things from my list:
Morning tea on the couch. I hate coffee but enjoy caffeine. Tea warming my hands, the aroma, it feels decadent and sets my whole day right. Takes 10 minutes. The benefits are immense.
Getting lost in a Nora Roberts novel. Maybe not great literature, but I thoroughly enjoy them. I reread them often.
Evening walks. I spend most workdays inside. These walks give me vitamin D and help me destress through movement.
Blasting music on country roads. Driving with the windows down, favorite song playing, singing along. Makes me feel free and young again.
Hiking with my husband. Being in nature clears the noise in my head. I always feel calmer afterward, in a better mental space to make good decisions.
Laughing with female friends. Time with my girlfriends fulfills a different social need than time with my husband. It's difficult to put into words how vital this is to my well-being. I'm a happier, more relaxed person because of them.
My complete list has about 50 items. I review it occasionally, adding new things. I make sure I'm doing things from that list consistently. It's helped tremendously with managing stress.
Notice most items cost little or no money. The more free or inexpensive activities on your list, the easier it is to do them consistently.
Not Selfish, Necessary
Doing things that lift you up isn't selfish. You're human. You need to replenish.
It's not a luxury, it's a need. If you don't fill your cup, you'll run completely dry and have nothing left to give others.
If you want to be there for others, you need to be there for yourself first.
So what's on your list?