Finding Your Why (The Real Reason Your Goal Matters)
Here's a question that sounds simple but rarely is: What do you really want?
Not what you think you should want. Not what would look good on Instagram. Not what your parents, partner, or society expects. What do you actually want?
Most of us can't answer this question clearly. We've spent so much time absorbing other people's expectations and scrolling through other people's highlight reels that we've lost touch with our own genuine desires.
And that's a problem. Because without a clear, personal, compelling reason for pursuing a goal—without your "why"—you simply won't do the work when things get difficult. And things always get difficult.
Your "why" is the difference between a goal you abandon after two weeks and a change you actually sustain. It's the fuel that keeps you going when motivation has left the building.
Let's find yours.
Why "Why" Matters
Think about the goals you've actually achieved in your life. Not the ones you set and forgot, but the ones you stuck with. The ones you made happen despite obstacles, despite setbacks, despite having every excuse to quit.
What made those different?
Chances are, you had a powerful personal reason for achieving them. The "why" was so strong that giving up wasn't really an option. Maybe you needed to finish your degree to support your family. Maybe you wanted to run that 5K to prove something to yourself. Maybe you were desperate to change jobs because staying in the old one was slowly killing your spirit.
The strength of your "why" directly correlates to your likelihood of success. Weak why, weak results. Strong why, you'll find a way.
The Work: Getting Clear on What You Want
This isn't the fun part. This is the necessary part.
You're going to need to do some introspection, and I'm going to ask you to actually write down your answers. Not just think about them: write them down. There's something about putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) that forces clarity. Thoughts are slippery. Written words are concrete.
Looking at Your Life Right Now
Start by taking inventory of where you are. Answer these questions honestly:
What brings me joy?
What energizes me?
What exhausts me?
What stresses me out?
What relaxes me?
What's missing from my life?
Don't overthink these. Don't try to give the "right" answers. Just notice what's true.
Reflecting on What You Want in Your Life
Now, shift from observation to desire:
What do I want more of in my life?
What do I want less of?
What gets me genuinely excited?
What am I most afraid of?
And here's the big one, the question that requires real imagination:
What do I want my life to look like in five years?
Don't just give this one a surface-level answer. Really picture it in vivid detail:
What are you doing?
Where are you living?
What does your daily life look like?
How are you spending your time?
Who are you spending your time with?
What does your health look like?
How do you feel when you wake up in the morning?
Create the scene in your mind like you're writing a story. The more specific, the better.
Narrowing to One Goal
Review what you've written. Look for patterns. Notice what keeps coming up. Pay attention to what feels energizing versus what feels like something you "should" want.
Now choose one area of your life where you want to create a goal or make a change. Just one. The area that, if you addressed it, would have the greatest positive impact on your life.
This is hard. You probably want to work on five things. Pick one anyway. You can come back to the others later. For now, focus creates power.
The Deep Dive: Understanding Your Why
Now that you've identified your area of focus, it's time to interrogate it. You're going to ask yourself a series of questions designed to strengthen your understanding of why this goal matters to you.
Answer all of these. Some will feel repetitive. That's intentional. Each question approaches your "why" from a slightly different angle, helping you build an unshakeable foundation.
Why is this important to me?
Why do I want to pursue this?
Is this something I truly want, or is it something I think I "should" do? (If it's a should, let it go. Seriously. Let it go.)
How will achieving this benefit me?
How will it benefit others?
What's the end result I'm hoping for?
How will I feel when I complete this goal or make this change?
What will my life look like when I've achieved this?
On a scale of 1-10, how important is this to me personally? (If it's not at least an 8, reconsider whether this is the right goal right now.)
When I think about this goal, do I feel inspired? (Not anxious, not obligated, inspired.)
What's the cost of not achieving this? (This one's powerful. Sometimes the pain of staying the same is more motivating than the promise of change.)
Keep asking. Keep writing. Keep digging until you hit something that feels true and solid, that moment when you think "Yes, that's it. That's why this matters."
Distilling Your Why Into One Sentence
Once you've explored all those questions, you're going to create a "why statement" one sentence that encapsulates the core reason you're pursuing this goal.
This isn't marketing copy. It's not for anyone else. It's the sentence you'll return to when you're tired, when you're frustrated, when you're questioning whether this goal is worth the effort.
Examples:
"I want to exercise regularly because I'm tired of feeling exhausted by noon and I want the energy to actually play with my kids."
"I'm learning to cook because I'm done spending money I don't have on takeout and then feeling terrible about what I ate."
"I'm setting boundaries at work because I refuse to sacrifice my relationships and health for a job that will replace me within a week if I died tomorrow."
Notice these aren't polite or sanitized. They're real. They're personal. They're visceral enough to create movement.
Your why statement should make you sit up a little straighter when you read it.
The Reality Check
If you went through this exercise and you're struggling to find a strong personal why, that's valuable information. It might mean:
This isn't the right goal for you right now
This is someone else's goal, not yours
You need to dig deeper to find the real why underneath the surface reason
Don't force it. A manufactured "why" won't sustain you. Better to acknowledge that this particular goal isn't calling to you and find one that does.
What's Next
In the next post, we'll take your clarity about your "why" and transform it into a concrete, specific, achievable goal using two different frameworks. You'll choose the approach that fits your brain and your situation.
But for now, focus on this foundational work. Don't skip it. Don't rush through it. Your "why" is the bedrock of everything that comes next.
Write it down. Put it somewhere you'll see it. Make it impossible to forget.
Because when the initial excitement fades—and it will—your why is what remains. It's the lighthouse that guides you home when motivation has left you lost in the dark.
This is Part 2 of a 5-part series on setting meaningful goals. In the next post, we'll develop your specific goal using proven frameworks.